Captain CoCo and The Bubble Incident Chapter 1: First Engagement Part 3

You may have noticed that there has been no mention of a Science Officer. There is a reason for this omission. The Science Officer on the ISP Grande Pollo lives in a world of his own that does not include the bridge of the ship. At present he is engaged with his latest project–an Eggonizer 6000 version Alpha, prototype 1 egg projection machine, complete with a massive chute that can accomodate 18 giant eggs per second. Captain CoCo demands the biggest and the best of buffalo wings, therefore, the ISP Grande Pollo is carrying a cargo hold full of plump, delicious giant chickens imported to earth across the galaxy from the planet MaxiDna, famed for its sole occupation of raising and exporting chickens. Captain CoCo has voiced his desire to someday retire to this planet and to live a life as a chicken recipe tester. He has heard that they are incapable of frying chicken due to lack of oil supplies, therefore, the entrepreneur in him is stimulated to bring frying technology to the planet. But we get off focus…

The resident science officer, called Smarticus for lack of knowledge of his real name which he has forgotten after years of intense research and exposure to chicken feathers–stands 6 foot 8 in his stockinged feet and has a perpetual crest shaped-Mohawk hairstyle, rumored to express his constant delight with his chicken friends. It is also rumored that he lives on corn and watermelon.

As Captain CoCo and Protection Officer Bun-Bo race for the engineering section with Chief Engineer Francois bringing up a distant rear, they hear Science Officer Smarticus exclaim from his chicken lab, “Eureka!!! I have done it. It’s Alive, it’s Alive!!!”

Captain CoCo stops dead in his tracks, sliding furiously on corn and straw and causing an epic dogpile of all three officers. His brain begins to whirl with possibilities, for he knows what Smarticus has been working on. Smarticus is probably the only officer on board that Captain CoCo gives grudging respect, and is certainly the one officer who gets away with not approaching the bridge. Spitting out corn and straw while lashing out at his unfortunate officers who are presently pressing him into the fertilized chicken bed, Captain CoCo aggressively rounds on Science Officer Smarticus with the following tirade: “How often have I told you to keep this area clean, Mister!!! And why didn’t you hear the alarm?”

“I did. I put him in his cage so that he would not disturb my best layers. My weapon demands top quality eggs.”

“I heard you scream ‘Success!!!'”

“No, Captain, I screamed ‘Eureka’…an old earth term.” Smarticus has a reputation for using quick, impertinent answers, an undesirable trait on his poetic home planet of Bard. Perhaps this is why he felt a need to leave home and join the ISP Force. Sometimes Captain CoCo wishes that the eccentric scientist felt the same need to leave the ISP Force. However, this would result in smaller chicken portions aboard the ISP Grande Pollo. Also, Smarticus’ help is the only reason that Captain CoCo managed to graduate from the academy…a fact Smarticus is always quick to point out when the good captain threatens his prized chickens (and his smart-aleck retorts) with exile. Whichever planet happens to be in the area when he and Captain CoCo engage in one of their frequent arguments is targeted as Smarticus’ next home. But, we’re unfocused again,,,

Captain CoCo shoves Protection Officer Bun-Bo and Chief Engineer Francois aside and staggers to his feet, lurching to the chicken inhabited sink to rinse out his mouth. “Feathers, Feathers,” he intones, sticking out his tongue on each syllable. “I need the Thespiadeck. I need to relax.”

Science Officer Smarticus is starting to comprehend the gravity of the situation. “Captain? Is there a major problem? I smell strawberries instead of chicken droppings.”

Captain Coco rolls his eyes. “The ship is under attack and will be flooded with strawberry bubblebath, Smarticus.  We have half an hour to defeat the enemy or die!!! Perhaps your Eureka meant that you have perfected the egg ejection machine?”

“Not egg ejection, Captain, egg projection. This baby can lob eighteen eggs a second under high power and strike deep into outerspace. Would you like a demonstration?”

“No, Smarticus, I demand instant application. Chief Engineer Francois, find some strong persons to assist the Science Officer. We have our counter weapon!!!  Protection Officier Bun-Bo, get a visual hail and mystify the Bubble Berry Soapy ship with your cool dance moves. Get help if you must. I mean work it, Mr!!!  I want their attention solely on you. Got it?”

“Got it Sir!” both officers cry out. They can scent battle and the adrenaline is starting to flow.

Chief Engineer Francois hurries to the Engineering section. No intercom remember? He manages to grab three strong junior officers and directs them back to the Eggonizer 6000 where Science Officer Smarticus and Captain CoCo are already loading the weapon with the largest eggs they can find. Smarticus has been using chicken manure to create methane gas and has stored it on-board the ISP Grande Pollo for months. This methane gas is what will provide the bio-fuel for the Eggonizer. Captain Coco is in the process of  threatening to court-martial Smarticus for storing this volatile fuel on board without his knowledge. We all know how that goes. Court-martial; smourt-martial.

Protection Officer Bun-Bo sprints to his quarters to collect his MP3 Player. Yes, you read it right. MP3 Player. Everything on this totally advanced ISP Grande Pollo is ancient!  He sprints to the bridge [by-the-way, there are no elevators either] and upon his arrival addresses Lt. Bomma Whama at the communications board.

“Lt. Bomma Whama, is there a way to pipe this music through to the Strawberry Bubble ship?”

“Certainly Protection Officer Bun-Bo. I’ll just leave the telephone off the hook. and turn the music up to full volume. Just give me a moment.”

While Lt. Bomma Whama is setting up the music, Ensign Allegra, the Navigator, is sitting stunned. She has managed to clear the view screen enough to show the Bubble Berry Soapy in all its splendor–a pink, shiny hull is its most prominent. feature. A continuous stream of bubbles is pouring forth from its stern, and port ejectors are shooting strawberry bubble bath at the ISP Grande Pollo. [Don’t worry about the physics here, we’re not trying to make this logical] The view of the Bubble Berry Soapy isn’t why Ensign Allegra is sitting stunned. It is because as a grand keyboardist, the thought of using an MP3 Player to pipe music through both ships is horrifying. Ensign Allegra jumps up and rushes to her quarters where she unhooks her keyboard and totes it [it’s heavy] back to the bridge. Winking at Lt. Bomma Whama who is staring at her, Ensign Allegra hooks the keyboard to the communications console speakers and begins to play.

Meanwhile, Officer Bun-Bo is not on the bridge. He has gone to fetch Doc Shades and Mr. Blade to assist him in his dancing efforts. Remember, all crewmembers must be able to sing, dance, and act. [If you haven’f noticed, there is no bridge discipline] Everyone is scattered all over the ship!

Lt. Bomma Whama has just finished upping the volume and dialing the Bubble Berry Soapy bridge when all three officers rush in. They have heard the mad keyboading on their way to the bridge and they begin to dance right in step with the music and each other. “I have visual contact!!!” says the Ensign at the console. The Bubble Berry Soapy bridge crew is glued to the screen as they watch the gyrations of [by now] the entire ISP Grande Pollo dance team.  What I mean by entire dance team is every crew member not engaged in the last ditch scrambling efforts to save the ship. Counselor Penna, never one to dance in public, is popping and bopping like no tomorrow, which, if you stop and think about it, could prove quite accurate. Everybody is now engaged in saving the ship. They are rockin’, ya hear me? Rockin’!!!

Back at the egg factory–Captain Coco, Officer Smarticus, and the three junior officers are drenched in sweat. They have loaded 8,000 ostrich-sized eggs into the Eggonizer’s chambers and are now approaching the arduous task of touching the button to begin the firing sequence. They have aimed the trajectory of the Eggonizer at the helm of the Bubble Berry Soapy. Hopefully, they will be able to cover the bridge hull with raw egg and shells. The heat from the firing will deliver the eggs half-cooked to become a glutinous stinky mass.

“Fire!!!”  Captain Coco’s voice booms loudly as the first volley of eggs releases from the first Eggonizer chamber. Going at the speed of 18 eggs per second, the hull is soon covered thickly in [an omelet?]…Oh Dear.

“Keep firing,” orders Captain CoCo. “I need to check up on Protection Officer Bun-Bo. It’s hard to dance that energetically by yourself. I will go help him.” [Giggle. Can’t resist can ya?]

As we all know, Captain Wash-a-lot was last seen wandering toward the bathtub with his rubber ducky. Frustrated, but confident of his ship’s and crew’s abilities, he has left the Bubble Berry Soapy in the hands of his First Officer, Mr. Strawberry Shake–so named because of his ceaseless shaking in the face of danger. Mr.Shake’s teeth are chattering noisily at this moment as he sends an ensign for the Captain.

“Ensign Wells, g-go in-f-form the Captain t-that h-e-e’s n-n-needed on the b-bridge”.

“Yes Mr, Shake, Sir!”

Captain Wash-a-lot is deeply asleep after that wonderful bubblebath.

“Captain!!! Captain, you’re needed on the bridge, Sir!” blurts the baby-faced ensign. “The ship has fired on us while we were watching them move really strange to music, and we are now covered in a giant omelet!”

“Aw…that’s why I was dreaming of dancing with quiche,” mutters Captain Wash-a-lot. “I didn’t get to eat it, though. Go back and man your station, Ensign, I’ll be right there.”

“Yes, Sir, Captain Sir.”

Captain Wash-a-lot sits for a few seconds pondering this change in affairs. “Eggs,” he mutters. “Eggs!! Eggs and dancing? “He begins to giggle. “I like this Captain CoCo. I do. Snort. Snort. Time for negotiations. We seem to be at a stalemate!!!”

To be continued…Muahahahaha!!!…

Note: No resemblance to any living persons intended. Uh-huh. Yeah, right. You know it is. Sorry.

credit: The JYJ Fantalk Team

Picture Credits:

Video Credit: channel: DonnaORaphaelTV

Please remove with credits intact. Better still, maybe we shouldn’t take credit. Would you?  Muahahahaha!!!

120126 A Birthday Surprise Fanfic For Kim Jaejoong by Momma Cha

Birthday Graphic #398

All situations in this story are fictional. The only thing real is the main characters.  🙂

Birthdays are meant to be special and fun. After all, how many times do you get to celebrate the only day out of the whole year that you can pretend is exclusively yours? Yes, pretend. There are hundeds of thousands of people who share your birthday with you. You are unique but there are only 365 & 1/4 days in a year. Except leap year of course.

 As our tale unfolds try to imagine that this day is exclusively Kim Jaejoong’s in which to celebrate his birthday–to laugh, to have fun, and to share it with others……Sigh….. (sudden grinding halt….)

Enter Scene One

La-ti-da-ti-da…Jaejoong awakes to the smell of freshly brewed expresso and JiJi lounging luxuriously on his new bedspread. “JiJi!! Get off the bed!!!  Huh? Is someone here? I smell expresso”. Then he remembers, “OH Yeah!! Today is my Birthday!!”
He has put the timer on the Expresso Machine just to awaken him on this special morning, and to begin his birthday with zest!! Sadly, Junsu has flown to Japan the night before, calling late to express his regrets for not being in Seoul on Jaejoong’s birthday, and… to tell Jaejoong of the wonderful present he will give him upon his return. “Regrettably’, said Junsu, “That will be next week”.

Jaejoong is not dsturbed. Yoochun is in town, not to mention family and friends, so today is looking up.and his anticipation grows of an exciting birthday among loved ones.  Jaejoong has received several calls from family members wanting him to drop by to pick up his presents.

Suddenly, his cellphone rings. “Jae hyeong, this is Micky. I’ve just been called out of town by the new casting director for “January Blessing”, you know–that new drama I was telling you about?  I’m so excited. I’ll be away for your birthday. but don’t worry, Ricky said that he would come over and spend some time with you”. “I gotta run, See ya”.  Oh, BTW, I have a cool gift for you. I’ll give it to you soon’.


Jaejoong puts down his cellphone with a puzzled look. “Why didn’t they tell me that they were leaving earlier than this? That’s odd. Oh, well, I’m going to get my day started with a fresh cup of expresso and a decent breakfast.”

Jaejoong follows his nose to the kitchen where the expresso awaits, hot and hearty. He cooks some ramen, pores a huge cup, and sits down to read the morning paper, but it isn’t distracting enough to keep him from thinking about Junsu and Micky leaving town so abruptly on his birthday. If he allowed himself to dwell on it much longer it was going to ruin his mood.  Draining his cup, Jaejoong cleans up, then picks up his cell phone to call his family. “I’m supposed to be there at 11:00. I wonder what I should bring”?  The telephone rings and rings. No answer. Then a message kicks in. “Due to an important family event the Kim’s will not be in town from today until February 3rd’. If you have something important to tell us, please leave a message after the beep. We will get back to you as soon as possible.”

Jaejoong stares at his cell phone. This is unbelievable. Most of the people he has depended upon to help him celebrate his birthday have gone out of town. ‘If I didn’t think it was crazy, he thought–I would assume that they are running away from me. Oh Well, Yunho and Changmin promised to stop by on their way to that red carpet gala event.


What is the name of it? ‘Promises for The Future Road Show’?  “I can’t remember–I’m starting to get a headache”… I think that I’ll just grab a pillow, lie on the couch and take a nap until someone calls. JiJi, keep a look-out, will ya?– And take that Santa suit off!!!

(Scene Fades)

(Enter Scene Two)

Jaejoong has fallen sound asleep.

 “I’ll protect You” starts to play. it is Jaejoong’s cellphone. “Snort”. Jaejoong startles awake and flips the phone.  ‘Hello, this is Jaejoong”. “Hi Jae Hyeong, this is Ricky”. “Oh yeah, great–you’re coming over right?” ‘You’re spending time with me on my birthday, right”?  Complete silence. “Aw. it’s your birthday?  Sorry, hyeong, I was calling to tell you that I’ll be going out of town and I heard that they needed you to call the office. You didn’t answer your phone earlier. Bye”.



Jaejoong’s jaw drops three inches. “What is going on?  What event is  more important than my birthday? So Ricky has decided to go out of town too”?




” I’m not calling. I’ll just get dressed and go on down. Naw, that won’t work. They’ve probably gone out of town. If I wasn’t a grown man I would cry”.

Just then the phone rings. “Jaejoong, did Ricky tell you we had an assignment for you? You need to hurry”. There’s a photoshoot today at Seoul Forestry. Did you forget?  Your manager set it up. You need to meet the crew at the reserve”.

Jaejoong is so stunned he can’t answer for a moment. “A-a- photoshoot? At The Forestry Reserve? O.K. I’ll be there soon”.  After closing the phone. ” I am so mad. I ate that great big breakfast and now they want me to do a photoshoot on my birthday? They told me I had the day off!

(Scene Fades)

(Enter Scene Three)

‘Where is this Forestry Reserve? I’ve been driving around for two hours!! Oh, wait a minute–that looks like an entrance. Yes!

Jaejoong drives up into a clearing. There is no one in sight. It is winter. The birds aren’t singing, there is snow on the trees… ‘What kind of photoshoot is this going to be? There’s so much snow I can hardly drive. I wonder if the crew is held up? I’ll call the office”.

Two calls later and there is no answer. Jaejoong is starting to panic. It is also starting to snow. Suddenly–“I’ll Protect You”. Jaejoong answers the phone with “Why am I here? Where is the crew?

‘What crew, Jaejoong? This is your manager. I stopped by for your birthday but you aren’t home. Where are you?

Where am I?  Don’t you know? The office said that I had a photoshoot at the Forestry Reserve and that you had set it up. I’m sitting here with the car running and no crew in sight”.

‘I know nothing about this. There must be some mistake”.  Come on home and I’ll be waiting for you”. The manager rings off. 

Unbelievable. Jaejoong turns the car around–grateful to be heading back home. “The office never makes mistakes like this. I wonder what really happened. Following a back road to avoid detection, Jaejoong pulls into his Private garage 90 minutes later. “Br-r-r-rrrrrrrr, it is cold. I may as well be in Alaska”.

 The journey to the Penthouse seems endless, especially since Jaejoong has made it a habit of climbing the stairs for exercise. When he arrives at the entrance winded and tired, he stops for a moment and leans against the wall. “What a birthday”, he says to himself. “I could have stayed in bed’

Turning the key he enters the luxurious apartment expecting to see the manager. JiJi meets him in the foyer with a bag of kitty treats in his jaws. “Thank, You, JiJi, but I can’t eat those. Oh! You want me to open them for you? O.K.  Someone should get a present”!!

A crashing noise from the master bedroom sends Jaejoong sprinting down the hall. As he skids around the corner he sees the manager calmly picking up pieces of his prize Taiwanese urn from the floor.  Jaejoong is too tired to care. All he wants to do is to go back to sleep.

“Hey, I’m sorry man. I accidentally hit it with your suitcase”.  As Jaejoong stares at him he points toward two large suitcases filled with Jaejoong’s clothes and toiletries.

“I took the liberty of packing for you. We don’t want to be late”.

Jaejoong just stares at him blankly. What more surprises could the day bring? “Late for what ? Where are we going”?, he asks.

“On a little trip; just you and me going to a friend’s lodge. The staff decided to pull together and give you a week away for your birthday. You’ve been pushing it rather hard these last few weeks. You deserve a rest”.

‘You’re right”, Jaejoong stifles a big yawn. “I deserve a week’s rest right here in my own home away from forests and trees.  I’m going to bed”.

“No, No, you can’t do that”.!  The manager is frantic. “We really need to go right now. Look, I have a picture of the lodge right here. Remember the fun you had there with Yoochun”?

The manager grabs the suitcases and starts heading for the door. “We have to catch the plane in a hour. I promise there will be plenty to do, even in winter. I already called your housekeeper. She’ll take care of JiJi and the house.

Jaejoong sways on his feet. “O.K. O.K. I’ll go, but only if I’m allowed to sleep for two days”.

“Fine with me.. You can sleep in the car”…………………………..ZZZZZZZZZZZ.

(Scene Fades)

(Enter Scene Four)

Jaejoong is so exhausted that he can’t remember the trip to the airport or the flight. When he awakens they are traveling down a snow-covered road that looks slightly familiar. He has  been here before.  Stretching and yawning he watches the scenery go past and reflects on the fact that his birthday will soon be gone with no celebration; no presents; no family; and–well, he does have the manager. That knowledge does nothing to lighten his mood. At least he will have a whole week in which to choose his own pursuits.

As they round a corner the lodge appears ahead. It is dark and looks cold and totally uninviting. “I’ll sleep well, though, he thinks. Yeah!

Suddenly, as the van comes to a stop, there comes a loud shriek followed by a sudden blazing of lights at the windows. Jaejoong sits stunned as the door flings open and Micky and Junsu, grinning from ear to ear, drag him from the car and half-carry him to the door, legs flailing. Yunho and Changmin rush out to form a chair with their hands to carry the birthday boy inside. All of a sudden people are popping out from every corner of the lodge. There is his umma and appa; and his sisters and their families. Friends, relatives, and staff all grin from ear to ear as they clamor for his attention. Story after story of keeping this a secret for weeks rolls off of their lips while Jaejoong slowly comes alive with the excitement of it all. Just think–a whole week with all of these people…. (sudden grinding halt)   🙂

End of Play

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAEJOONGIE.   Momma Cha @jyjfantalk

Picture Credits: as tagged +