Dear Yunho,

I wanted to think up something incredibly witty for your birthday, like a funny story, or a series of pictures with accompanying narrative, or something suave and engaging. I wanted to create something worthy of your amazingness, because you *are* amazing. However, the thought of smart-aleck comments and goofy pictures did not appeal to me at all when I thought of you, and I couldn’t understand why. I mean, I really enjoy comedic writing, and it’s your birthday, so why shouldn’t I want to give you and fellow fans a good birthday giggle?

I don’t know, but for some reason, when I think about you, I want to be sincere. Maybe it’s the way you smile when you’re tired, the way it doesn’t quite reach your eyes, but you try anyway. Perhaps it’s the selflessness of your leadership, over and over again, day after day, not just to your fellow member(s) and staff, but to us fans as well. We don’t call you Yunho Appa for nothing. 🙂 Possibly, it’s the way you throw yourself body and soul into everything you do, without fear of potential failure. Or perhaps it’s the child-like spirit that you display, inspite of the difficulties of life. Whatever the reasons, I just want you to know that I greatly admire and respect you. I also want to say that I worry about you, and pray for you all the time. If I could get close to you, I would try my best to take away some of the burdens you bear, even if it meant taking responsibility for them myself. I’d be miserable, because I don’t like taking care of other people (just being honest), but I’d do it anyway, because I love you, as much as a fan can love her bias without drifting over into obsession.

As it is, I live halfway across the world from you, and even if I didn’t, the chances of becoming your friend would be very slim indeed. As a matter of fact, I don’t even think we’d get along, having two opposite personalities. But I stil care about you, and pray for you, and cry for you, and try to understand you. Why? Because I choose to. You’re Yunho oppa. I can’t imagine going back to a world without you and your four brothers. You light up my day. When I’m depressed, I watch you laugh, head thrown back, eyes crinkled and shining. When I think I can’t do something, I watch your passion, and am deeply inspired. When I’m feeling lonely and unloved, I think about what the five of you went through (and still go through), and realize that I’m surrounded by people that love me for me. And that’s how I want to love you. For being you, and not just U-Know Yunho, dancer extraordinare and charismatic leader, but Jung Yunho, a young man who is trying to find his place in the world. Kinda sounds like myself, now that I think about it. (except for the man part) Maybe we have more in common than I thought.

Ok. I’m done. And kinda embarrassed. But I just wanted to say happy birthday, Yunho. May your life be long and blessed with peace and joy. I love you, and I’m not the only one, so keep your head up, ok? Have a good one.   

 thatmelancholysoul@ jyjfantalk.com